Hope.....closer than it appears!

Weeping may remain for a night...

Beauty Will Rise
         - Steven Curtis Chapman

It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed till my voice was gone
And watched through the tears
As everything came crashing down

Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
And sift through the ashes that are left behind
But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams
We have this hope

Out of these ashes beauty will rise
We will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning beauty will rise

So take another breath for now
Let the tears come washing down
If you can't believe, I will believe with you
Cuz I have seen the signs of spring

Because out of these ashes beauty will rise
We will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning

I can hear it in the distance
And its not too far away
Its the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast
I can almost feel the hand of God
Reaching for my face
To wipe the tears away
Say its time to make everything new
Make it all new

This is our hope
This is a promise
This is our hope
This is a promise
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that's been made
Out of the ashes, out of the ashes
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that He's made
Out of these ashes, Out of these ashes

Out of these ashes beauty will rise
We will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes

Out of this darkness new light will shine

And we'll know the joy that's coming in the morning

 

Psalm 30:5

One Year Ago...

On July 29, 2009, I heard the horrible words “I'm sorry, but you have cancer.” I still expect to wake up to discover that this is all just a bad (and very long) dream. I didn't know how I was "supposed" be feel about my diagnosis by now, so I decided to re-read my older posts. Not long after starting to read, I questioned my wisdom in doing so.  Did I really want to be reminded of those early days?  I continued reading and soon came to the realization that I've come a long way (physically and emotionally) in a relatively short period of time.  Isn't it true that we often don't realize where we are until we're reminded of where we've been?

“I feel keenly aware of how precious and fleeting life is,

and I hope I will never forget what the experience has taught me....

who I am, who I want to be, who I can never be again.

It was a hard time, but I'd rather have the really hard stuff

than to never know what I know now.”

-Sheryl Crow

I've recovered from January's surgery and from the subsequent radiation treatments.   Life started to return to normal and I was finally to the point where the first thought that popped into my mind in the mornings did not always involve the word “cancer.” Unfortunately, I was only able to enjoy this feeling for about a month before hitting what my doctor describes as “a little bump in the road.”

I have blood drawn monthly to test for something called a "tumor marker." The tumor marker that we're following in my case is “CA 27.29.”  It's a protein that some breast cancer cells produce and shed into the bloodstream. If tumor markers decrease, it is a good sign that the cancer is responding to the therapy. An increase can be, but is not always, worrisome. It may indicate that the cancer is resisting treatment, but there are also other non-cancerous diseases that can cause the test results to vary.  Link to "Tumor Markers: Q&A"

In February, my tumor markers were completely normal for the first time. (Hooray!) May's blood test showed a slight increase in the markers and there was an increase again in June. Given that the markers were up for two months in a row, we decided that a PET scan was in order to see what was happening.  Link for information on the PET scan process

On a positive note, the scan showed that all of the original lesions are showing inactive. (Hooray!) I went from having lesions that were “too numerous to count” to being inactive in less than a year. One concern is that there is one small active lesion that has appeared in my liver. I started with multiple spots in my liver, but this one doesn't show on any prior scans and seems to be new. The assumption is that this is a new cancer lesion that, for some reason, is not responding to treatment. There's a slight chance that it could be something completely unrelated, but that's pretty unlikely given my situation.

So, what do we do now? We've changed my medication and will re-scan again in September. My oncologist is very optimistic and is expecting to see a completely clear scan by then. I had to delay my second surgery because of radiation therapy, but it's finally been scheduled for early August.   I met with my integrative care physician (who, by the way, is absolutely awesome) to continue to work on diet and nutrition. I am very encouraged to hear that he thinks I'm doing all of the right things....I've drastically changed my diet, increased my physical activity, and practically eliminated my exposure to the chemicals found in household cleaning and personal care products.

Despite the medical distractions, this has been an amazing year.  Anyone who knows my children will tell you that we don't have much “down time” in our household. Aaron had a fabulous year in kindergarten and Alex loved second grade. The school year flew by so quickly!!  The boys remain very active in Taekwondo. Alex worked very hard this year and earned his Black Belt in June.  What a huge accomplishment for an 8 year old. (I'm such a proud mama!)  Aaron is following in his big brother's footsteps and will most likely earn his Black Belt in the Spring. We had our first family trip to Hershey Park a few weeks ago and are getting ready for a camping trip soon.  The boys are both having a blast at summer camp and have actually come home tired on more than one occasion. If they were tired, I can't imagine how the camp leaders must have felt!?!

Oh, did I mention that we're building a new house and moving next month?   Like I said....not much “down time” in our household!!