"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!" "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!" "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry Boo-Hoo!"  

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!" So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Who-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any presents at all!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?" "It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!" "It came without packages, boxes or bags!" And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store." "Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
 

What a difference 3 months can make!

It's been a while since I've posted and I have to admit that it's been a struggle to find the right words to describe what I've been feeling lately. I've had so many thoughts bouncing around in my head that there are days where I don't know which end is up. Honestly, I find myself completely overwhelmed most days.

Work is incredibly busy, but I thank God every day that I have a job that has such good health insurance benefits. The boys are in Kindergarten and Second Grade and I enjoy spending time volunteering in the their classrooms each month. They're also very active in Taekwondo and are competing in their first tournament next weekend. (wish us luck!) On top of my normal activities, I've been spending more time than usual at Hershey Medical Center for doctor appointments. Any free time that I may stumble upon is usually spent pouring over the many books that I've accumulated on cancer.

I've read and re-read the radiologist's report from last month's PET scan and am still amazed:

• “the lungs are clear”
• head and neck show “no suspicious activity”
• “no lesions in the liver or spleen”
• “no suspicious activity within the pelvis”

What a difference 3 months can make!!

I've undergone genetic testing to determine if I carry the abnormality that would have made me more prone to developing not just one type of breast cancer, but two. The results came back that I'm normal! (well, at least genetically speaking.) As Jack Nicklaus said, “You can spend all day trying to figure out why you hit your ball into the woods – or you can just go in and get it out.”

So, that's what I'm doing.....focusing my efforts on what I can to to “get it out” and keep this awful disease at bay. I've learned that high-fat, low-fiber foods increase the hormones (such as estrogen) that promote cancer. Since my cancer is 100% estrogen receptive, this is very important. I've learned how to boost my immune system by eating (and avoiding) certain foods. I've also learned what a toll stress can take on my body.

I spent two months pouring over information about diet and nutrition. I read everything I could get my hands on about saturated fats, carbohydrates, organic vegetables, raw milk, Vitamin D, the list goes on-and on. I even attended a lecture given by Paul Nison, a raw food chef and author.

A few weeks ago, I met with a holistic doctor, Dr. Neely, who helped make sense of the seemingly endless supply of information about nutrition. In addition to being in holistic medicine, Dr. Neely is also an oncologist. The perfect combination of expertise for my situation! Dr. Neely helped me begin to fine-tune my approach to my cancer. He explained detoxification, an anti-inflammatory diet, and some strategies to increase the effectiveness of treatment. I'm looking forward to meeting with him again.

I also met with a surgical oncologist, Dr. Kass, the same week as Dr. Neely. Talk about being overloaded with information!! I was originally scheduled for a mastectomy in August. When it was determined that my cancer was as wide-spread as it was, I was no longer a surgical candidate and our focus turned to simply stopping the cancer from spreading. I've had such a positive response to treatment, that my medical team believes that I am ready for surgery! That's such good news!!

Dr. Kass ordered an MRI before finalizing her recommendation about surgery and the results were excellent! Both tumors in my breast are smaller and my lymph nodes appear normal! (my lymph nodes were abnormal 3 months ago.) I've decided, on the advice of my medical team, to undergo a mastectomy in January. The next three weeks will be very busy as I meet with the anesthesiologist, a plastic surgeon to discuss options for reconstruction, my oncologist, and have my regular monthly treatment. If you've been counting, that's nine appointments in 7 weeks. I'm praying that the Lord will give me the strength to get through all of these appointments while being so busy at work and also trying to get ready for Christmas.

I don't want to try to change God's mind, 

I want to think his thoughts.

I don't what to change God's timing,

I want the grace to accept his timing.

I don't want to change God's plan,

I want to embrace his plan and see how he is glorified through it.

(Holding on to Hope, Nancy Guthrie)

Good news!

This past weekend was filled with anxiety as I prepared both physically and emotionally for yesterday's PET scan. This scan was our first indication of whether or not the cancer is responding to the hormone therapy. After a very stressful three hours at Hershey Med, my doctor walked into the room with a big smile. It's always a good sign when the doctor is smiling!

We don't have the written report from the radiologist yet, but we viewed the scan images with my doctor and they looked very good. The breast tumors are smaller and there's strong indication of healing in my bones. We couldn't find any indication of the tumor in my liver where just three months ago it measured the largest of them all at 2cm. Absolutely amazing!

My doctor said she's very pleased to see such good results this early on. I'll continue with this treatment plan and have my next scan in 3 months. I'll probably be in a position to have surgery in January to remove the original breast lumps. My doctor expects that the lumps will be small enough that only a lumpectomy would be necessary rather than anything more radical.

I've spent the last three months focusing a lot on nutrition and exercise. The results of the scan have given me the encouragement that I needed to keep at it. I'm meeting with a doctor in a few weeks to get a better medical understanding of nutrition and it's effect on cancer cells. This doctor, Dr. Neeley, is an oncologist at Hershey Med and also runs his own business for holistic medicine. That's exactly the combination of expertise that I need! I continue to be amazed at the people that God has allowed me to meet through this experience.

We've been studying the Old Testament in Sunday School and of course the obvious place to start any Old Testament study is Genesis. I can't even begin to fathom the incredible power of God that he was able to bring the entire Earth into existence with words alone. Just imagine....God spoke the words "Let there be light," and there was light. God spoke the words "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. Wow! Oh what God must think when he hears my cries for healing. What a simple thing for the Great Creator to do! Thinking upon this has made me realize that our prayers and our understanding don't even begin to scratch the surface of God's power and capabilities.

I often hear people use the phrase “you can beat cancer.” Let's get one thing straight, there is no “beating” cancer until a cure is found. At this point, I am thankful that God isn't allowing cancer to win this round.

Rich's view.... PET scans and helplessness

Many of you have been encouraging me to write my view to Missy's breast cancer.  It has taken me some time to collect my thoughts, work up the guts to really sit down and think about it... and honestly find the time. 

As you are all aware Missy (my wife/life and soulmate) was diagnosed on 7.20.09 one of the worst days of my life.  From there the outlook seemed to go downhill as we got bad news after more bad news.  (2 types of cancer, spread to bones, liver, lung, and she is only 39....hope I don't get in trouble for letting that little tidbit out!!) 

A few days later we recieved news that the liver biopsy was the same type of cancer (CA) that was in the breast and that they both were 100% estrogen receptive WHOO HOO it is amazing what you can be happy about.

Since then we have been in treatment; now I say we but for me it is a bit surreal I don't get injections, I don't get infusions, I don't need to watch my diet (although I did adopt most of her changes just because it is healthier) I don't get scans or anxiety about "how am I really doing".  Bascially the we in treatment is me sitting on the side being as supportive as I can.  Now you may be thinking how wonderful he is so supportive that is a true blessing.  It is true to a certain point...

I work in healthcare, my mother died of lung CA @ 53 years old (smoked like a chimney) I know stuff... I know where to look for stuff.  However, being supportive is all I can do because it (this) is beyond me!  I feel helpless sometimes, now I know this is not about me it is totally about missy... every waking moment my mind is on her and when I pray I sometimes do not even get very far before I say "you know my prayer even before I say it"  But there are times that helplessness is a legitimate feeling for me  because I have no control.  It is out of my hands and into GODS (can you imagine how long it has take me to turn it all? over to GOD).  At times I'm still not sure I'm strong enough in my faith then again I'm merely human!

I wax and wane between a positive attitude of "lets kick the crap out of cancer and make it rue the day it tried to grow in her body.  Lets fight and make that cancer think each morning "crap she is awake.. LOOKOUT!!"

Then on the otherside I think of my mother who died 9 months after diagnosis withered away from a vibrant (ask missy WOW) women who worked too much down to a shell of a women who could barely get up and go to the bathroom without help. The thought of that happening to my wife scares the crap out of me! 
I realize that some of this is irrational (funny usually hormonal women are the irrational ones.... I'm just kidding, calm down!)  but like I said this is what goes through my head sometimes. 

I did an walk for breast CA a few weeks ago and during the walk we went through the rememberance and "who you are supporting area" where there were signs with peoples names...I could not look at the rememberance side! 

No I'm burying my head in the sand... well maybe a little from time to time but it seems to me that this is natural isn't it? 

Tomorrow 11/2/09 is a big day wait I mean a BIG DAY!  we have a PET scan @ 7:30ish where we find out the results of treatment up to this point! 

All day I kept telling GOD that no matter what the results of the tests are that he will recieve my priase... I sincerely hope I can follow through, I told GOD that it would be easier if the results were fantastic and the cancer was gone (if faith can move a mountain surely GOD can cure cancer in my wife!). 
At the end of the day tomorrow GODS WILL BE DONE NOT MINE! NO MATTER WHAT THE RESULTS! 

The last month has been status quo pray, eat, work, pray sleep, workout (her more than me... I'm like the plumber with the dripping fawcet in his home) and now the PET scan is here SMACK right in the kisser.  It is amazing how complacent we can become even in the greatest of challenges.

If you are reading this then you are important to us!
If you are reading this then I ask you to pray!
If you are reading this and you don't pray I ask you could you go through this (or watch someone you adore) go through this without GOD?  Think about it! 
If you are reading this KNOW that our strength, our positive attitude (most of the time) our faith is all becasue of CHRIST
If you are reading this and do not know CHRIST, however you know us then maybe you should get to know what we know!

Rich

Checklists, Side-Effects, and Curious George

I had an appointment with my Oncologist last week, my first appointment since starting treatment. I expected the usual checklist of questions ...how are you feeling, any new symptoms, etc. Dr. Cream's first question caught me completely off guard. With a smile on her face, she asked “How are the boys enjoying their first week of school, is your little guy enjoying kindergarten?” What a blessing it is to have found such a wonderful doctor!  (and, yes they both had a great first week)

To answer the first of the checklist questions, I'm feeling great! I've made a dramatic change in my diet over the past month and believe that it's making a considerable impact already. At my doctor's recommendation, I'm doing my best to eliminate my intake of soy. The estrogen-like substances (isoflavones) in soy may stimulate the estrogen receptors of breast cancer cells and make them grow.  Take a few minutes reading the labels of the items in your pantry...allmost 60% of processed foods have soy in their ingredient list.  Since soy is one of the top 8 food allergens in the USA, the good news is that there is a labeling law requiring that if soy is an ingredient in a product, it must be listed on the label.

I never took the time to read labels and certainly never went out of my way to eat nutritious foods. Now, I've been purchasing as much local organic produce as I can and have learned how to freeze most of it. (This must be how squirrels feel as they start to store nuts to prepare for winter!?) Those who know me, know that I usually can't stand going to the grocery store, but I've actually enjoyed investigating the natural food aisles. We even went on a family adventure this weekend and explored several local farms where we can purchase organic beef, chicken, milk, and eggs.

Even more powerful than good nutrition, is God's promise of a "secret" source of energy and efforts.  "Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)  Hallelujah!!!

To answer the second checklist question, I have no new symptoms other than those associated with medically induced menopause! In fact, the only symptom that I have ever had is the original breast lump. It's too early to undergo any medical tests to tell if the current treatment is working, but Dr. Cream thinks that the original lump feels softer. This is a good sign because it means that the cancer cells may be starting to break up. I'll have my first full-body scan (PET) in early November which will show the effectiveness of my treatment.

After meeting with my doctor, I received my first treatment of Zometa. This medication will stimulate healthy bone growth to fill in the holes left behind as the bone tumors shrink. It is a 15-minute infusion (through an IV line) that I will receive monthly. All of my treatments will be at the new Cancer Institute building at Hershey Medical Center.   http://www.pennstatehershey.org/web/cancer/home/aboutus/newpscibuilding

Dr. Cream had explained that a small percentage of women experience minor flu-like symptoms as side-effects to Zometa. I would soon found out that I fall into that small percentage. (seriously, why can't my body just cooperate?) I developed a 102° fever, was nauseous, and now have a brand-new insight into what it means to have “bone pain.” Here I was, shivering with goose-bumps from the fever while having a hot flash on the inside. Fortunately, the side-effects subsided within 36 hours and I'm told that I may not experience similar side-effects with future treatments. My next Zometa treatment will be September 29. Bring it on!!!

My actual treatment took only fifteen minutes, but I was in the waiting room for two hours until it was my turn. I watched patient after patient being called back for various treatments. As the song by Jack Johnson goes..... “I'm just people watching the other people watching me.” (it's from the Curious George soundtrack, my kids love it!) Some were there for the first time (like me) and others had been there so many times that they knew all of the nurses by name, some were young and some were old, some looked healthy and some looked very sick, but there was something that everyone seemed to have in common.... everyone had such a positive attitude.

Hmmmm......a positive attitude....now that's a topic for another day!

First Annual Tanger Fit for a Cure 5K Walk in Lancaster, PA

"We have an unwavering commitment to fighting breast cancer across the country," remarked Stanley K. Tanger, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Tanger Factory Outlet Centers, Inc. "Great strides are being made but we must continue working hard to put an end to this terrible disease that affects so many."

To register: http://www2.tangeroutlet.com/tangerstylefitness/

This race benefits the Stanley K. Tanger Breast Cancer Research Fund at Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical Center!

~~~

Surprises, hot flashes, and a prayer...

It's been a week since I've started taking Tamoxifen and all of this seems so surreal. I woke up in the middle of the night the other night and actually had to walk into the bathroom to look at my name on the prescription bottle before I was convinced that this hasn't all been just a dream.

After having doctor appointments several times a week for the past two months, it was strange to have nowhere to go this week. Without the distractions of a busy schedule, it was very easy to slip into “why me” mode which allowed the doubts and discouragement to creep in. There was a lot of crying and questioning God about what was happening.

It wasn't long before my doubts had consumed my thoughts to the point where I had completely lost sight of Gods grace. Imagine my surprise when, out of the blue, my seven year-old son starts to recite his Bible verse for this week:

"Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,

so great is his unfailing love.
For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.”
(Lamentations 3:32-33)

Despite my doubts and weakness, God is faithful! I continue to be amazed at the way He reveals himself to me especially when I'm not even looking!

Here's an update on my treatment plan.....
I have made the decision to pursue treatment at Hershey Medical Center. Not only do they provide exceptional care, but it is only a few minutes away from the clinic where Rich works which will make it easier for him to attend appointments without having to excessively dip into his vacation time.

In addition to taking Tamoxifen daily, and receiving the Zoladex injection every three months to keep me in menopause, I'll soon receive my first dose of Zometa. This medication is a 15-minute infusion (through an IV line) that helps to stimulate healthy bone growth. It is used to prevent or delay bone damage by slowing the destruction that occurs with cancer and by fighting the abnormal cells that cause bone to wear away.

My next doctor's visit will be on September 2. During this visit, I'll have blood tests to make sure that my Estrogen levels are dropping (as if the hot flashes aren't enough of an indication!?!) and also to keep an eye on my “tumor markers.” These are markers in the blood that will tell us if the treatments are working.

It's expected that I'll have my next set of scans in early October. These scans will give us our first true indication of how well each of the tumors are responding to treatment. If all looks good, we'll continue with this treatment and have scans in another six weeks. If those scans look good, we'll wait eight weeks and scan again. If those scans look good, we'll wait three months and scan again. If those scans look good.....well......you get the picture.

“Lord, You have promised that when I am weak, You are my strength. You said that though I fall, I will not be cast down because You will hold me with Your hand. Thank you, Lord, that I do not face times of discouragement and disappointmnt alone.

You have promised to never leave me or forsake me. I place my trust in You and believe that these circumstances will be the means to draw me into a closer relationship with You.”

Taken from II Corinthians 12:9, Psalm 37:24, Hebrews 13:5

Adapted from "This Is Life . . . And I Need More Answers"

Let the treatment begin!

The liver biopsy indicated that the spot on my liver is, as expected, breast cancer that has spread. This is good news because now everything should respond to the same hormone treatment.

We've decided to start with a medication called "Tamoxifen." Tamoxifen is a pill that blocks the cancer's ability to use estrogen. I took my first dose tonight. Woo Hoo!!!! The biggest side-effect from the medication is more menopause-like symptoms. Please pray for my family!

More updates to come.....

Worry is like a rocking chair...

I had a liver biopsy on Friday, and now we're just waiting for the results. We should have results by Wednesday and then the doctors can determine which treatment plan will be best.

Telling someone like to me "wait" is like telling my kids to "sit still" - it just doesn't work. I've always been what you would call a "worry wart" and all of the waiting along this journey is taking worrying to an entirely new level. I recently read that"Worry is like a rocking chair...it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere." I can't tell you how many times I've recited that in the past few days.

I've started to read the book "Loving God with All Your Mind" by Elizabeth George. (I'm only on Chapter 4, but highly recommend it!) The introductory paragraph says "would you like to exchange doubt, discouragement, depression, and fear for energetic faith and joy?" My answer was an emphatic"YES YES YES!!" My reading this week ended with a focus on these promises from the Bible:

• Nothing will ever happen to me that God does not already know about (Psalm 139:1-4)


• Nothing will ever happen to me that is a mistake (Psalm 139: 4,16)


• Nothing will ever happen to me that I cannot handle by God's power and grace (II Corinthians 12:9-10)


• Nothing will ever happen to me that will not eventually be used by God for some good purpose in my life (Romans 8:28)


• Nothing will ever happen to me without God's presence (Matthew 28:20)

Boy, that certainly gives me a lot to think about while I'm waiting for the biopsy results!

...and more Tests!

The appointment with Dr. Horenkamp at Oncology Physicians of Lancaster went well today. She agrees with our first opinion that our best option at this point is to treat with hormone therapy. The cancer is not curable, but we have a pretty good chance of it at least being treatable.

My liver biopsy has officially been scheduled for Friday morning at 9:00 at Lancaster General Hospital. I met with the radiologist this morning to discuss the procedure. Doesn't sound like it'll be a fun one, but at least it's our last diagnostic test for now. We should have the biopsy results by Wednesday. As long as the results show that the cells in my liver have the same characteristics as the rest of the cancer cells, we'll start hormone therapy next week. Woo Hoo!

We have had several meals provided by some very dear friends. My family is very thankful to have "real food" again. For a while, I could only muster the energy for cereal or pizza. The boys loved it, but I think Rich was actually eyeing up a cook book to see what he could make.

Speaking of the boys, we had the opportunity to talk to them a little bit about what's going on. Alex had been asking about my "boo boo" and we felt that he was ready to see part of the first biopsy site now that the swelling has subsided a bit. I explained to him that he can't really see the "boo boo" because it's inside of me. He seemed confused, so we compared it to what it's like when you have a cold. You know you have it, but you can't really see it because it's inside. I explained that the doctors are giving me some very good medicine to help.....of course Rich added that the medicine might "make Mommy grumpy." Boy, after my first set of hot flashes yesterday, I think that was an understatement!

Things I've learned today

• God's plan is perfect!!
• I am not alone

Tests Tests and More Tests.....

The bone scan results came back yesterday and the doctors weren't surprised. The scan confirmed that there is evidence of cancer in my bones at least seven spots - hip, pelvis, sternum, neck, ribs, sacrum, and a small spot on my skull. At this point, these results do not give us reason to alter the treatment plan and we plan to proceed with hormone therapy.


We meet with Hematology/Oncology Physicians of Lancaster on Wednesday for a second opinion and then only one more test to go this week......a liver biopsy on Thursday.

Things I've learned today

• Every 2 minutes, there is a new breast cancer diagnosis


• 85% of all diagnoses have no family history


• 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer
  

The first 10 days

On July 20, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Hearing the words "breast cancer" was devastating enough, but the news was followed by hearing that I have two different types of cancer - "invasive duct carcinoma" and "mucinous adenocarcinoma." We were encouraged to hear that both lumps were small and the doctors were using words like "treatable" and "curable."

We had a surgical consultation on July 21 and decided that our best chance of preventing the cancer from spreading was to have a mastectomy. An MRI scan on July 29 showed three more small spots of "unidentifiable abnormalities" in my breast and also indicated that the cancer had most likely spread to at least one lymph node. That was the confirmation that we needed to know that a mastectomy was the best option and surgery was scheduled for August 10. Hooray...we have a plan!!

On July 29, we received more devastating news. A CT scan showed a 1.8cm spot on my liver, a spot on my left lung, and two spots on my spine. The assumption is that the cancer has spread to these organs. Surgery was cancelled and immediate and aggressive Chemotherapy seemed to be the only obvious option. So much for our plan!?! A huge thank you to everyone who prayed with Rich & I this day. We were completely drained of all emotion and your prayers helped to fill us with the love of God and reminded us to rest in His grace.

On July 30, we travelled to Hershey Medical Center and were blessed to have met Dr. Leah Cream at the Penn State Hershey Cancer Institute. Dr. Cream reviewed all of my scans & lab work and was very happy to see that both tumors are "hormone receptive." Everyone had been saying that this was a good thing, but Dr. Cream was the first to explain why this was so important. It means that the tumors are being fed by hormones - in particular, Estrogen. The theory is that if the Estrogen supply is eliminated, the tumors will shrink, and even potentially disappear.

I asked the obvious question....."how do you eliminate the Estrogen supply?"....and the answer was quite simple. I was given a drug called Zoladex that will initiate menopause. (and Rich thought I was moody before...yikes!!) I completed a full-body bone scan today (Saturday) and expect to have those results sometime next week. We're expecting to see some bone involvement, but pray that it's minimal. A liver biopsy is scheduled on August 5 to clearly identify if the spot is the same type of cancer that started in my breast. As long as all of the tumors are "hormone receptive" they should all respond to hormone therapy. Dr. Cream cited an 85% success rate with hormone therapy for this type of cancer. Hooray...we have another plan!!!

Things that I've learned in the past 10 days

• Any plan that I may have is inconsequential compared to the greater good that God has in mind for my life. I really don't need a plan after all....all I need to do is to trust God. Nothing will ever happen to me that God doesn't already know about (Psalm 139:1-4)



• A good girlfriend is cheaper than therapy!



• Nothing will ever happen to me that I cannot handle by God's power and grace (II Cor 12:9-10)



• MRI rooms are very cold - always wear socks!